This article originally appeared on COVER Magazine. To read the full article head here.
I've struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember. As a small child I guess I was what you'd call a ‘natural worrier'. I've lived with that constant, consistent and catastrophic feeling of impending doom and panic for so long that it became normal.
Things came to a head a few years back. I'd just begun to embark on my freelance journey and was living in a small, but perfectly overpriced flat in Hackney. I was feeling increasingly stressed and worried about the future and had a million different "What ifs?" going round and round in my head; "What if I can't pay my rent?", "What if I don't get paid tomorrow?" "What if the editor hates what I've written?" "What if I'm just a terrible writer?"
I wondered what was wrong with me. I felt like a failure. At the time I lived with a housemate who "had to meditate". Every. Single. Day. I thought this was weird and that there had to be something inherently wrong with someone who needed to do this each day. Long story short(ish), she told me to try meditating for 10 minutes and see how I felt. I did. I went into my room and sat crossed legged in semi-darkness and breathed deeply. In and out. Feeling the sensation of my breath as it passed through my nose and into my belly and out again. And, wow, I felt calmer, reassured, brighter and wondered why on earth I hadn't done it before... read the full article here.